beware the comments section
how mitch's story threatens an outdated version of masculinity
On Friday, a grab from a podcast Mitch spoke on was posted (a questionable choice of clip, but moving on). In it, Mitch discussed the AFL clubs’ missed opportunity to use his announcement to honour the wholeness of their supporter base, while noting that the moment was not ultimately lost - there is still time, and so much that can be done to promote inclusion and acceptance in our sport.
In no time at all, the clip became rage-bait. By the end of the weekend, it had travelled its way through the algorithm to land in a cess-pool of homophobia, ignorance and cruelty. After 200 comments, they were mercifully turned off.
Whenever Mitch talks about the AFL, people, and by people I mean men, get really triggered. Falling over themselves to let him know how much they don’t care about what he’s saying. That no one cares, that homophobia isn’t real, that what he’s saying doesn’t matter. They’ll do anything they can to try to shut him up, to get him to stop telling his story.
Mitch’s story is deeply unsettling for the Craigs and the Braydens and the Keiths - middle-aged white Australian men, sadly often fathers themselves - who have constructed the weight of their identity to rest on a fragile, splintered ideal of masculinity. Men who have followed the rules their whole life: don’t talk about your feelings, respect the status quo, puff your chest out, never cry, disrespect women, provide, use violence, drink, gamble and never, ever, ever give anyone a reason to think you’re gay.
How dare this 6’5 man who looks the way he does, talks the way he does - who represents the epitome of Australian masculinity as a former professional AFL player - not follow the rules too? How dare he get around with his long, highlighted hair, earrings and necklaces and nose-rings, sticker tattoos, talking about his feelings, evenly co-parenting, doing the bulk of the household labour, proudly acknowledging the women in his life, and now - the worst crime of all - admitting he’s attracted to men too? And he’s being celebrated for that??? And people want to listen to what he has to say??? The world has gone mad. We must stop him.
Homophobia polices masculinity. So does misogyny. When appearing or being homosexual is celebrated, rather than feared, unhelpful masculine stereotypes lose their power.
That’s why we won’t stop telling Mitch’s story - a story that goes beyond sexuality, that questions what it really means to be a man. That pushes all kinds of gender stereotypes, and celebrates the joy in living outside of the man box*. No matter how angry that makes Craig or Keith or Brayden.
If this threat to outdated masculine ideals wasn’t real, no one would need to let Mitch know that they didn’t care. They would just… not care.
A few days after Mitch’s news came out, the March for Australia rallies were held around the country, and our feeds were full of angry men and women draped in union jacks, marching through the city fired up and unable to really articulate exactly what it was they were marching for. Watching these people on our screens, we couldn’t help but notice a parallel with the people leaving these comments. So confronted by anything different or unlike themselves, anything that would threaten the fragile sense of identity they had built for themselves, that they would march and post and comment and throw tantrums about it. The tightly held traditionalism, ideas of how things used to be, and fierce desire to protect their rigid version of manhood/”Australia”.
What these people really have in common though is their irrelevance. The fact that their lives have amounted to no real power or impact or influence, despite following all of the rules, all of the time.
When they stamp their feet and yell that nobody cares about Mitch’s story, how much of that is really about the fact no one seems to care about their own? I would feel sorrier for them if they weren’t so hateful, if their actions didn’t have real and violent consequences. If only they knew it was okay to break down those stereotypes and ideals, to let go of that false nostalgia. How freeing it feels to be on the other side.
*If you’re interested and not already aware of The Man Box - it’s a concept that’s identified the 19 rules that characterise stereotypical ideals related to masculinity, that unfortunately more than 1 in 3 Australian men aged 18-45 feel pressured to conform to. You can read more about the rules and their impact on Australian men and the people around them here.
